<![CDATA[Articles]]> http://localhost/blog/ EN Mon, 03 Jun 2024 10:04:00 +0000 Incomedia WebSite X5 Evo <![CDATA[Top Tips for Dealing with Negative Thinking]]> imblog
Struggling with Negative thoughts? – Here is how you can turn them to positives…
 
 
We all have them at some point in our lives, some people more than others, and for some people this can become a debilitating problem.

 
I’m talking about Negative Thoughts, Self-Doubt, Negative Self Talk. All of these are terms used to describe the act of telling yourself you cannot do/be/achieve/complete/prevent (delete where applicable) something.

 
They are thoughts you have which lead you to believe you are not good enough or that others will see you as having no value or worth.

 
Beck described these thoughts as 'automatic thoughts'. We have positive automatic thoughts, otherwise known as 'PATS', and negative automatic thoughts, known as 'NATS'.

 
The term ‘Negative automatic thoughts, is used to describe a stream of thoughts that almost all of us can notice, if we try to pay attention to them. They are negatively tinged appraisals or interpretations. They are meanings we take from what happens around us or within us.

 
If you consider for a second, times in your own thinking, when you were anxious, you might have had thoughts about the threat of something bad happening to you or people you care about.

 
There is unlikely to be much actual evidence of such things being a probable outcome, yet those thoughts came into your mind.

 
Now think about a time when you were annoyed. You might have had thoughts about others being unfair, or not following rules you consider important. How about when you were fed up, there might have been thoughts about loss or defeat, or negative views of yourself.

 
These are all examples of ‘NATS’.

 
The thing about these thoughts is that they just happen automatically, without effort, in your unconscious mind, which makes them hard to deal with or prevent. They are part of a ‘pattern’ or neural map which associates an activating event with a core belief, typically created by a past experience, which triggers an emotional response that is internally reinforced by negative thinking.

 
In my personal mental resilience workshops, I go into detail about how to identify these and their root causes, and then how to challenge and ultimately change this type of thinking, but here I am going to tell you a couple of techniques which will go a long way to stopping or at least slowing down the process enough to diminish their impacts.

 
Tip #1: When you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling like everything is dark, pointless, or you can’t see a positive future, often when relationships are either ending or going wrong, and you begin thinking it is your fault and that nobody will ever love you or want to be with you (who hasn’t been there, right?!)….STOP.

 
Ask yourself what you would say to your best friend, if they were the one going through this and feeling this way, not you?

 
We almost always have the answers inside us for our problems, but we can’t always find them, or even realise they are there. By taking ‘ourselves’ out of the equation, we see the situation much more clearly and rationally, and can see the bigger picture.

 
Tip #2: When you experience an emotional distress of some kind, such as a feeling of anxiety, immediately note down the thoughts and images that are going through your mind simultaneously to the feeling/emotion. Use a pad or a digital note on a phone, etc.

 
Think about that particular emotional feeling in steps:
 
1.      How do you feel and react when faced with this particular type of issue or situation?
 
2.      Determine what kinds of events (situations, conversations, activities) that are happening when you experience this emotional feeling.
 
3.      Write down how you would like to feel and react when these types of events happen.
 
4.      Now consider the things you noted down initially (the thoughts and images going through your mind at the exact time of the emotion). These are making you feel worse and react accordingly.
 
5.      Now decide on a different way of thinking about the event, that would result in you feeling and reacting in the way you described in step 3.

 
What you have now is the blueprint for recognising the types of events which trigger an emotional response/behaviour accompanied by negative automatic thoughts, a goal for how you would like to react to such events, and a different ‘rational’ way to think about the event which leads to a better outcome for you, in terms of stress, anxiety and potentially life experiences.

 
You can find out much more about the ways of actively working through these and how to set appropriate goals, along with how to set out goal plans, in my face-to-face or online coaching workshops. Go to the ‘contacts’ page to get in touch and arrange your one-to-one session today.
]]> Mon, 03 Jun 2024 10:04:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?top-tips-for-dealing-with-negative-thinking http://localhost/blog/rss/00000001C <![CDATA[How to Deal With Trying To Do Too Much]]> imblog
We have all done it. And most likely still do.

What am I talking about, and can we learn to understand how to deal with this more effectively?

Let’s define this by considering an all too familiar scenario:
You have been given a new department to manage, and are on your way to your first meeting to put forward your thoughts on improvements to the Executive Team. You are unsure where the room is, so you ask for directions from another member of staff you pass.

As you start to follow the directions, your phone rings and it is a supplier who is looking for an update on a proposal, and you have to tell them they have been unsuccessful.

You realise you have not been paying attention to where you have been walking and are lost, not knowing where the room is, and you rush to end the call, and after getting your bearings, eventually arriving 5 minutes late, and annoyed with yourself.

You make your apologies and join the meeting.

A few minutes in, and your phone vibrates (you feel you have to be ‘always on’ after being promoted because you worry you might miss something urgent if it is turned off) with notification of an email from the successful bidder, needing the contract meeting rescheduled, and you reply immediately, half listening to the current meeting.

You feel a little anxious and sick, trying to do both activities. Your brain is showing signs of struggling.

The supplier sends a response quickly, to which you type a quick reply, only to realise the room has gone quiet, and the execs are looking at you, waiting. The CEO has asked you to give a brief introduction and a summary of your initial thoughts around how you might improve the department you have taken over, and is waiting.

You stumble out some vague introduction, already concerned how this is looking as you are a typically a clear and concise speaker. Your first meeting has not gone well!
So, what is going on here?

Find out by reading my latest article in Brainz Magazine by clicking HERE
]]> Mon, 06 May 2024 15:16:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?how-to-deal-with-trying-to-do-too-much http://localhost/blog/rss/00000001B <![CDATA[How to use Brain Training Apps for lasting benefits]]> imblog
Brain Training Apps: ‘The Real Deal or the new Snake Oil?’ and ‘How to use them successfully’
For anyone who has been on my Proactive Executive Corporate Mental Health Training course, they will know I mention using ‘brain training’ apps as part of the approach to optimising brain performance around attention, selective attention and impulse control, and even mention one specifically because of its ability to adapt to the user’s performance.

Firstly, no. I am not altering my opinion nor my recommendations around using them, but I am going to provide a bit more guidance in relation to what they can achieve, why they are useful and when to use them.

What has prompted me to write about this, is the ever-increasing number of such apps available which promise all sorts of long-term benefits and ‘miracles’ of longevity of brain performance, for a short-term use in earlier life, which is definitely not the case....

]]> Mon, 08 Apr 2024 13:31:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?how-to-use-brain-training-apps-for-lasting-benefits http://localhost/blog/rss/00000001A <![CDATA[Improving Brain Performance]]> imblog
Did you know that multitasking is actually impossible? We think we can multitask, but really we force our brain to switch between different contexts. Studies also show that the chance of making mistakes increases by 50% and that it can take up to twice as long to perform an action or task when trying to multitask.

Decline in fluid intelligence (our ability to access and use our crystalised intelligence) happens to us all, starting at a younger age than you might expect.

As we collect information through learning and experience, we store this up for application against problems we come across at work and in life, and because we are a problem solving species, when we struggle to solve things, it can affect us psychologically as well as emotionally.

Learning how our brains work and why, and about what we can do about reducing the decline and increasing our brain's resilience to ageing and efficiency, is more important than ever in these days of added stress relating to the impacts of COVID and social isolation, and applying a few techniques, exercises and practices can go a long way to fending off poor mental health and declining performance.

My standard Corporate Mental Health Training, and my Executive Corporate Mental Health Training, provided as online sessions over 6 to 8 weeks, will show you:

  • how our brains work in different 'systems' and how it can be exhausted quite quickly,
  • how you can apply techniques to optimise the application of the limited resources against the most important problems,
  • how to increase attention spans and deal with interruptions more effectively,
  • how to deal with impulsive and reactive behaviours, and
  • how to extend as well as improve your mental performance

Contact me today to find out how you can register for my next course, and why it is the best thing you can do for yourself, your family, your business, and for your workforce.
]]> Mon, 11 Mar 2024 14:18:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?improving-brain-performance http://localhost/blog/rss/000000018 <![CDATA[Nature and Mental Health]]> imblog
(Listen to the Podcast HERE)

It is very well known, and getting much media exposure these days, that connecting with Nature brings huge benefits both physically and mentally (in which I include emotionally and spiritually).

From mainstream television such as 'Gardener's World and numerous 'wellness' documentaries, to NHS GP's starting to prescribe time working in a gardening environment for tackling mental health issues and social isolation, it is great to see this centuries old (if not millennia old) 'therapy' getting the coverage and focus it rightly deserves.

For most of my life, two environments have always drawn me to them as a kind of 'sanctuary' of calm and healing: Forests and Water.

Every time I pass a forest or a copse of trees, I feel an urge to just go and sit or walk amongst them, as a kind of calm 'calls to me'. The very act of being among trees, flowers, meadows or gardens just slows life down and, for many people, draws any stress out of them. It is not by accident that we are encouraged to 'Ground' our energies, and I especially focus on this after I have given a Reiki Healing session.

It is well documented that 'stress' is a huge contributor to almost every malady we suffer from, either as a direct cause or as a factor which brings new or a worsening of symptoms, and in today's hectic society, it is almost impossible to avoid.

The thing with nature is that it has it's own pace and we cannot significantly influence it, despite industries using genetics and chemicals to 'speed up' growing time or enhance growth size. For most of us, our experience with nature is most commonly our gardens or outdoor spaces, but even the smallest of window boxes can bring massive health benefits, if we allow ourselves to spend a bit of time in them.

A recent study being carried out in both the UK and the US, has suggested that just 15 minutes of sitting amongst nature, be it a garden or park, or woodland, twice a week is sufficient to elevate our mood and reduce stress.

My partner has discovered this for herself, after the decision to grow some Chillies from seed, and being hugely impatient, has seen herself go on a personal journey to 'slow down' whilst tending to and waiting for Mother Nature to move at her own pace. It is important to note that it is not just children who can marvel at the miracle of watching something you have started, grow and produce results, from flowers to fruit to herbs and spices. Gardeners around the world do so every day. The chemicals released in our brain at pleasurable experiences gives us a great sense of achievement when plants, trees or foods grow right before our eyes, and these same chemicals reduce the stress we carry around.

It has long been a 'tool' in my holistic approach to coaching all of my clients, especially those with mental health issues, from depression to PTSD, to include time within a natural environment. I even try to arrange sessions in a park or woodland setting or cafe if possible, as I have always found it makes both them and me, more comfortable when talking about deep rooted issues. A feeling almost of being wrapped in nature's arms and closer to our emotional and spiritual sides, and so more able to bring out our emotions in an environment which simply feels 'safer'.

It really doesn't matter whether it is a patio of containers with plants, a single window-box of flowers or herbs, or a large estate garden, I urge you all to engage with nature in even the smallest of ways, and you will feel the benefits. You will be surprised at how less stressed and more at peace you feel without having to think about it, even if it is just for the time you spend there, and that feeling can become cumulative, improving the way we handle stress and emotions throughout the rest of our day. Go on, give it a go. I guarantee you will benefit from it.

I mentioned my other calming environment is water, and this comes from my experiences as a Scuba Diver, when I find an almost meditative relaxation when 'flying' slowly and gently with marine life across colourful coral and some marvels of the ocean landscapes. That takes a lot more planning and training, so not as accessible to everyone, but has many of the same benefits, and if you get the chance I recommend it wholeheartedly.

Well, that's it for now. Next month I will be taking a look at a powerful technique which has brought me personally, and many of my friends and clients, much of what they want in life: Vision Boards.
]]> Mon, 12 Feb 2024 11:48:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?nature-and-mental-health http://localhost/blog/rss/000000011 <![CDATA[Vision Boards]]> imblog (Listen to this as a PodCast here)

I have found on my travels over the last 30+ years, that for every culture and people I have been privileged to get to know, the concept of 'The Law of Attraction' is present in one form or another as a Universal principle or belief.

I have in the past been a sceptic, critic and challenger to the concept, but the more I explored the proposition, and listened to the heartfelt stories of people who believed their lives had been changed by the power of this principle, I found I could not dismiss it so easily.

It was when I started writing my autobiography, which became my first novel (see my blog 'Discover YOU through Writing') that I noticed too many parallels to the periods of change in my life and the depths of the emotional energies for those changes I desperately wanted, needed even, for it to be altogether coincidence, which I don't believe in incidentally.

I began collecting accounts from people I met around the world, of such beliefs and manifestations of changes and even material items they desperately needed and even just passionately wanted, and found myself mentally linking their stories back to my own examples of achievements I had experienced, and precious items I had obtained after having similar strengths of feelings and emotions toward them.

In amongst all the information I had gathered, the concept of a 'Vision Board' kept surfacing as a mechanism common to many of the experiences, and I realised that this would be a great tool for maintaining focus on those things we wanted to obtain or achieve, but knew it would not be as simple as just putting words or images on a board. There would be something more.

It was through my practice of Reiki that the answer came to me, as I focused not just on connecting with the Reiki Energy, but on the wholehearted passionate belief of knowing the reality of this power and the real feelings of it flowing. It is when you can actually 'feel' what it is like to already have what you need or desire, that the attraction becomes a reality. It is not enough to want it and look at the words or images. You have to experience the feelings of already having them.

One story out of all the others jumped out from my memory, of a young woman who was a single mother in Indonesia, who had showed me once her home which was in a poor part of her city and little more than a concrete cube on the outside, but she had collected images of proper beds, sofa's and cushions in nice fabrics, basic kitchen equipment that we all take for granted, and had placed them on her existing furniture around the two small rooms, and had even put a picture from a magazine of a small garden on one of her windows, which was the one which brought the biggest smile to her face when she spoke about her 'sitting in that garden and playing with her children'. As I spoke to her about staying positive and believing in herself, so evident was the feeling of her already having these things, that it was easy to forget that she didn't have them, every now and again.

The reason it had emerged from memory was that I had met up with that little family a few years later as I was walking through a shopping area not far from where I had stayed before and had bumped into her out shopping with her children, and remembered being taken aback a bit by her joy at seeing me, and her insistence that I come and see her new home.

As we walked for a few minutes talking about the few years that had passed, her face lit up as we came to a small single storey brick house with a small but well kept front garden, and I noticed small tears at the corners of her eyes as she opened the gate and swept her hand over the place, saying "Selamat datang di rumahku" (Welcome to my Home).

I couldn't help seeing the huge similarity to the image of that garden stuck on her window in the old place to the little front garden I could see there.

As we spoke over one of her 'famous' iced lemon teas I remembered from our first meeting, it was clear she had maintained an almost maniacal determination and belief in 'knowing' she would have a better place, THAT better place, for her and her children to grow in. She recounted how "things just happened" occasionally, with a new job coming unexpectedly, which had led to some help in getting the house she was now in, and her children into a good school in this better area.

Don't get me wrong, the place was still spartan and simple by many standards, but it was clearly the 'palace' she had passionately envisioned but more importantly felt she had already when we first met.

I spent a very happy few hours, sharing a simple meal with them that day, and listening to her and her children speak about their lives, and left them with huge hugs (and a few biscuits the children had made at school) and a light heart. I remember smiling most of the way back to my hotel at the image of all the new images stuck around the new place of her next step on her journey, never once doubting they would happen.

For many years I have had my own Vision Board, and whilst some are still to materialise, many have done, and those tend to be the ones I feel the strongest about and can actually feel what is is like to have made the changes or obtained the objects already. I passionately believe they will come, but some can take longer than others. The important thing is to truly believe and to truly feel what it will be like to already have them.

I recommend you try it yourselves. I suspect extreme desires are more difficult, mostly because it would be almost impossible to truly know and feel what it is like to already have them, but who knows. You have nothing to lose, after all.

I'd love to hear of any stories you may have, so please write to me through this website, or on Facebook, and I will add them to my collection. I might even write a book about them one day.

Stay safe.
]]> Mon, 08 Jan 2024 15:44:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?vision-boards http://localhost/blog/rss/000000012 <![CDATA[Interview with Brainz Magazine]]> imblog
Check out my recent interview with Brainz Magazine to find out how I got involved in Proactive Mental Health and why, at 'My Interview'
]]> Mon, 22 Mar 2021 12:42:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?interview-with-brainz-magazine http://localhost/blog/rss/000000019 <![CDATA[Breathing for Anxiety and Panic]]> imblog
(Listen to the Podcast HERE)

We have all been there at some point in our lives, and many more than once; the sudden increase in heart rate, the increase in body temperature, the feeling of lightheadedness.

The causes can be numerous, but all share a common theme: we are facing something unknown or something we fear in some way.

It can be an upcoming presentation at work, or a strange noise in the night, or an oncoming person or group of people who look intimidating, all of which trigger our 'Freeze - Flight - Fight' response. This age old survival mechanism is not required much these days in the way it was for our distant ancestors, but even though our environment is very different to way back then, the response can still be valid, especially if feeling threatened.

The chemical shifts in our body are designed to prepare us for taking some sort of action, and ensuring our muscles are primed to react swiftly if needed, so our brain floods our nervous systems with hormones such as Cortisol and Adrenaline, and shuts down our digestive system in order to focus all our resources onto our physical ability to react (fight - flight).

Often, this is an overreaction in today's environments, and we need to have a way of 'turning off' the automatic (limbic) response by recognising the fear is not as we believe it to be.

We teach a number of techniques in our workshops and online training sessions, relating to how and why this happens, and how to better control our arousal response system, but here are a few you can try yourselves should you feel an anxiety or panic attack coming on:

  • Apply the 4-7-8 Breathing technique. When you feel your breath quickening, focus your attention on inhaling through your nose for 4 seconds, holding this full breath for 7 seconds, and then slowly exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. Repeat until your breathing slows. This is extremely effective for those pre-presentation or interview anxiety nerves.
  • Recognize and accept what you’re experiencing. If you’ve already experienced an anxiety or panic attack, you know that it can be incredibly frightening. Remind yourself that the symptoms will pass and you’ll be alright. Also, if the issue is related to a phobia of some kind, tell yourself that the level of perceived threat is not accurate and that this response is not required, as the situation is rarely as threatening as you believe. Repeating this in a type of mantra can help to reduce your stress response.
  • Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness-based interventions are increasingly used to treat anxiety and panic disorders. Mindfulness is a technique that can help you ground your thoughts in the present. You can practice mindfulness by actively observing thoughts and sensations without reacting to them.
  • Use relaxation techniques. Relaxation techniques include guided imagery, aromatherapy, and muscle relaxation. If you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety or a panic attack, try doing things that you find relaxing. Take a walk in a garden or park if available, close your eyes and apply the breathing technique above, take a bath, or use lavender, which has relaxing effects.

If your anxiety and panic attacks are, or become, regular, this can have a longer lasting effect on your body and it's immune system, and symptoms such as constant digestive issues, increased potential for depression, weight gain through the constant increase in hormones like cortisol, and more frequent dizziness and headaches, so talk to your GP as well as consider programmes such as ours which provide techniques to reduce the frequency and intensity of such attacks.

Please get in contact with us if you want more details.
]]> Tue, 05 Jan 2021 12:27:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?breathing-for-anxiety-and-panic http://localhost/blog/rss/000000017 <![CDATA[How To Prevent Locking Yourself In]]> imblog (Listen to podcast here)

I have had a significant rise in the number of people coming to me, to talk about how they are beginning to feel trapped in their homes because of the constant lockdowns and restrictions, which in itself is quite a normal reaction and only to be expected.

What was more worrying was that as many of these discussions progressed, it became clear the feelings were less about the lockdown restrictions and guidelines related to the attempts to reduce the spread of SARS-CoV-2 (COVID-19), which have created a sense of fear of mixing with strangers in case one is a carrier, but more about actually leaving the cocoon of safety which is the home.

The neural link to the anxieties had been replaced, but not in a good way.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy uses the principle of understanding the 'activator' (A) or event which initiates a 'behaviour' (B) or response based on a previous experience or learning, which results in a 'consequence' (C) or outcome, and replacing the neural association or pathway linked to that previous experience or learning which is responsible for our reaction, with a better one which will result in a more positive outcome and an improvement in our view on life and our environment.

We are capable of making these changes unconsciously too, as strong emotional responses such as fear can affect the way we react, and I am seeing the start of a pattern where many of my clients are becoming so fearful of 'catching the virus' from other people, that they are avoiding going outside their safety zone of their home, but when challenged on what they are fearful of, they are associating their 'going outside' with their anxieties, instead of their 'failing to avoid a situation which could lead to infection'.

Their neural-association-shift has potentially set them on a path of developing panic disorders, a condition of which is agoraphobia, which is actually a fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult or that help wouldn't be available if things go wrong, and not as people tend to think, simply a fear of open spaces.

If you feel yourself experiencing such a symptom, there are some things you can do to reduce this anxiety, and to keep the 'activator' where it originates, allowing you to understand the cause and implement some strategies for minimising the effects on your lifestyle.

Instead of associating the 'outside world' with the risks, consider the circumstances under which contraction occurs; touching hard surfaces and then touching your face, or being within 8 or so metres of a carrier when they sneeze or cough directly at you, etc, and develop ways to avoid such situations. These can be such strategies as planning specific directions for your journeys, going at less busy times, having alternate routes to take should unexpected crowds appear, and being mindful to avoid touching hard surfaces as much as possible and carrying and applying anti-bacterial gel to your hands after doing so, if it was unavoidable.

These tools should keep the 'activator' focused as the situations which carry the risk, and not allow it to expand to an 'all-or-nothing' type of flawed thinking ("I can't go outside because it is not safe"), commonly associated with depression and anxieties which tend towards depression, and therefor keep your behaviour (reaction) appropriately focused on positive ways to avoid the specific situation which carry the most risk.

One word of caution, though. Be sure to understand and be mindful of the possibility that behaviours such as constantly applying anti-bacterial gel to your hands, after each time you touch a hard surface, could become so habitual, that it strays into the obsessional and a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which might be a good thing under current circumstances, but will need to be addressed at a later date, should it become something which impacts your everyday behaviour.

Above all, keep things in perspective and don't let fear and anxiety create a prison of your own making. Seek help if you feel you are already suffering from this, or encourage anyone you know, to do so if they are exhibiting such symptoms.

Stay safe and apply common sense, and we should all get through this relatively unscathed.
]]> Wed, 02 Dec 2020 09:36:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?prevent-locking-yourself-in http://localhost/blog/rss/000000016 <![CDATA[Unhealthy Tech Habits]]> imblog (Listen to the Podcast here)

I want to start out by saying technology is incredible when used correctly and in the right circumstances. Who hasn't used messaging or mobile phones in an emergency, but there is an insidious side to technology, which is spreading due to our inability to fully understand how and when to use it.

I have talked before about the addiction of social media and the fear of missing out on the latest discussion or message, which is causing significant psychological issues for many, but the insidious nature of technology is now showing in an erosion of good manners and consideration in both personal and social environments.

I have noticed a huge increase in how people are prioritising behaviours resulting from techology based addiction, over face-to-face interactions.

This started a while ago with the habit people formed of stopping face-to-face conversation to 'take a call', with no real consideration of the impact on those standing right in front of them.

How many of us have been in conversation with a friend, loved one or stranger, only to find ourselves halted mid sentence as their phone rings and they utter those now commonplace words "can you hang on while I take this", or worse, the hand put up as they turn away and answer the call?

Strangely, we seem to accept this behaviour, but would we accept someone physically coming over and starting to talk to the other person as we are in mid sentence, quite so calmly and easily? I suspect not. It is the digital equivalent of queue jumping.

More disturbing to me is the increase I have noticed in those walking around with in-ear earphones or 'buds', who don't feel it appropriate to remove them to have a face-to-face conversation. This is signalling not just a lack of respect for that individual, but also that they do not place any value on the conversation or the person engaging in it. It is a simple act to remove the earphone(s) to engage with a person, and replace them after, which I do myself when I use them, so there is no justification for not doing so.

The other behaviour which is on the rise, is the apparent lack of ability to place the phone at your ear for a call, but to place the caller on loudspeaker and not only disturb everyone around them, but more importantly have the private conversation publicly broadcast, undoubtedly without the permission or knowledge of that individual, which is not only disrespectful but could be a breach of their rights to privacy.

We live in an ever shrinking world, in which space and privacy are often at a premium, and now more than ever, we should consider others as we navigate our way through our days. The problem with making life 'all about ourselves' is that that is who we will ultimately end up with; just ourselves, and a reputation for being selfish and inconsiderate.

Our advances in technology are rapid, but we are failing to ensure our intellectual ability to understand how to use it appropriately keeps up with it. Having done so would have avoided the abuse of technology to bully and terrorise others, and the creation not just of new forms of crime and criminal, but the degradation of our existing standards of manners and consideration.

Let's use technology for good and do justice to what it is often developed for, which is the betterment of our lives together.

Be safe and enjoy your friends and loved ones.
]]> Mon, 30 Nov 2020 16:24:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?unhealthy-tech-habits http://localhost/blog/rss/000000013 <![CDATA[Exercising At Home During Lockdown]]> imblog
(You can listen to the Podcast here)

Many of you will again be feeling isolated and anxious, as we exhibit sensible precautions to avoid spreading or contracting the virus, and this can lead to mild depression and other similar emotional reactions, especially for those who normally frequent the gym or exercise classes because the endorphin 'rush' usually experienced is now missing, and it is addictive, so cravings occur.

Whilst it is not often easy to replicate your local gym or class in your home, it IS easy to include an exercise regime to maintain fitness levels and flexibility, by using home equipment if you have it (and the space to use it) or improvised equipment you will have around the home.

I am fortunate that I have sufficient gym equipment hidden about our 1 bedroom flat in London, to carry out an almost complete body workout, almost (and I stress ALMOST) equivalent to my gym time, but here are a few alternatives for popular exercises in gym sessions or classes:

Chest Training:  
·         GYM: Bench Press/Incline Press/Machine Press/Dumbbell Press - replace with...
·         HOME: Pressups (flat, inclined (Feet on a chair), decline (hands on a chair/sofa/side of bath/etc.), Floor Press using bags of sugar or large bottle of coke/water (no glass please!) letting your elbows touch the floor next to you and press back up.

Shoulder Training:
·         GYM: Overhead press, Side Lateral raises, Rear Raises - replace with...
·         HOME: Sitting on chair or standing, press overhead using same bags of sugar or large bottle of coke/water etc. Lateral raises and rear raises with bags of sugar

Back Training:
·         GYM: Pulldowns, Rows, Shrugs, Deadlifts - replace with...
·         HOME: Chin ups in door jam (make sure the door jam is strong enough and you can grip well), Row using a broom handle across two chairs, or single arm rows using bag of sugar or large bottle of coke/water etc, Shrug using bag of sugar or large plastic coke/water bottle etc (or something heavier if you have it), Deadlifts using a heavy item such as a toolbox or pack of large water bottles etc..

Arm Training:
·         GYM: Pushdowns, Dips, Dumbbell Extensions, Curls - replace with...
·         HOME: Close grip pushups, dips between two sturdy chairs (make sure they don't collapse inward!), Extensions using bag of sugar/flour, Chinups using door frame as mentioned above, curls using bag of sugar/flour/paint tins/etc.
Leg Training:
·         GYM: Squats, Leg extensions, calf raise, (deadlifts as per Back Training above) - replace with...
·         HOME: Squats holding bags or sugar/flour or plastic bottles (if available, 'goblet squats' using pack of large plastic bottles), single leg squats using bodyweight, Single leg calf raises on doorstep or wooden block (which will not flip over when your toes are on it!)

Ab Training:
·         GYM: Various machines and frames or cable crunches - replace with...
·         HOME: Sit ups/crunches, Hanging (from sturdy door frame) leg raises.
Cardio Classes:
·         CLASS: Bounce, FitCardio, Boxersize, etc
·         HOME: YouTube Workout videos, Streaming Cardio sessions, Home workout DVD's etc, skipping (if you or kids have rope), PIYO, running, etc.

There are obviously almost endless possibilities as well as these but this should serve you well as a way to maintain some level of exercise and help your physical and mental wellbeing remain strong and positive during these trying times, and give you the endorphin fix you will be craving.

Try to engage the rest of your family if all at home with an exercise regime, making it fun for the kids, all of which can be done still maintaining a 2m distance if required.

Stay safe, be sensible, DO pay attention to the advice and you can all remain fit or even end up fitter once this has passed!
]]> Sat, 14 Nov 2020 16:35:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?exercising-at-home-during-lockdown http://localhost/blog/rss/000000015 <![CDATA[Surviving COVID Lockdowns]]> imblog
(You can listen to the Podcast here)

Many of you will be again feeling isolated and anxious as we exhibit sensible precautions to avoid spreading or contracting the virus, and this can lead to mild depression and other similar emotional reactions, especially for those who are either lone-isolators or are finding themselves 'trapped' in a less than pleasant environment, for whatever reason. This can even be the case for those finding themselves at home with loved ones 24/7 for the first time.

What is important at the times when you feel emotions surfacing more than usual, is to recognise the signs, and to find some outlet for them before they become too strong and start skewing your perspective, making even small issues magnify into big issues.

Outlets can be any activity which focuses the mind away from the everyday issues and irritations, onto something needing concentration. For those able to do so, meditation works perfectly for this, but I find there are lots of fairly everyday activities that can have the same effect, a favourite of mine being anything to do with nature, such as tending plants or lawns, potting on seedlings, re-potting containers, cutting out any die-back of some shrubs (if this is the right time to do so of course) and tidying up the patio/garden.

Some find housework provides a similar respite from the intensity of being in each other's pockets all day, every day, whilst others focus on exercise, the benefits of which I will talk about in my next post (watch for this in the coming weeks), to give themselves that personal time, so important at times like this.

For some, though, who are the ones looking after the rest of the family, making sure everyone is doing OK, getting the shopping in, and trying to deal with whatever business or formal paperwork is required for maintaining some sense of working, the sheer barrage of issues to deal with and people depending on them, can take them to breaking point quite quickly, and they will need greater support than just finding themselves an outlet, before something 'snaps' and they send that emotion inwards into depression, or outwards into arguments and even violence in extreme cases.

Obviously the challenge in these cases is getting the right help quickly, with GP surgeries balancing their safety and that of the public, and therapists and counsellors being flat out with helping those who have managed to get onto their books.

If you find yourself in this position, the most important thing is to recognise the issue, and talk to someone about it, and not bottle it up. Pressure like that rarely goes away on its own.

Talk to your GP, even if it is on the phone, as many are doing with patients currently, or phone a good friend or other family member you can have a confidential chat with, just to get a different perspective on the things that are stressing you, as this can often make you see them as smaller than you think they are. If you can get access to a good therapist or counsellor (maybe you know one already), give them a call or arrange one with them. They can give you the 'ear' you need, to talk about your struggles, and they can also offer some practical things to do to manage your emotions better before you let them get too out of hand.

One great way to get things into perspective is to draw up two columns on a page, and on the left write down each issue you are worried about or struggling with (leave about 10 lines between each one), and on the right side, write what you think a plan would be for dealing with each one (hence the 10 lines spacing). If you don't have a plan or cannot think of one right now, that is OK, just leave it blank, and come back to it later. One of the other 'plans' might provide some ideas for this issue.

If you do have a friend or good 'sounding board', or better still can get a regular bit of time with a therapist, coach or counsellor, even if it is only on the phone or via a video call, you can use this sheet (or sheets if you have many issues) as a tool to work through with them. You will be surprised how many issues you can take off the 'worry list' when you have a plan for each. The fewer things eating at you in your mind, the less stressed you will find yourself.

Obviously, this is a single tool, and your circumstances might well require a much deeper level of support, especially if you are struggling with being 'thrown together' with a person, or people, you are not getting on with, or your relationship is not good to start with, but often having a plan to avoid as much overlap of time when you are in the same room together, can offer some respite, and that gardening, housework or exercise outlet can provide that option. The deeper issues can then be addressed once the access to professional help, or other options are once again available.

It is certainly not unheard of that times of adversity have rekindled relationships that were thought of as irreconcilable, and the simple act of looking at issues one at a time, and working out where the issue lays and how to plan for addressing it, can highlight aspects of relationships you had both forgotten.

Above all, find someone you can trust to talk to. We generally find things are easier to deal with when broken down, and having another view helps to see this.

If you are struggling, or know someone who is, use my contact details and drop me a line. I can help, or put you in contact with someone who can if I have no spare slots, and if money is an issue right now as it is for many, we can talk about reduced rates for the duration of their therapy, if started during lockdown.

Stay safe, be sensible, DO pay attention to the advice and you can get through these difficult times, and even come out of it better than you went in.
]]> Fri, 30 Oct 2020 10:05:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?surviving-covid-lockdowns http://localhost/blog/rss/000000014 <![CDATA[But That's NOT What I Meant!]]> imblog
(Listen to the Podcast HERE)

How many times have we heard "But that's not what I meant!" in an argument over what was said?

In these days of dependency and even addiction to digital technologies for our communication, it is all too easy to misinterpret or misunderstand the words sent because of a lack of exposure to the huge amount of information the non-verbal elements of our way of communicating includes.

Many of our most important decisions are made against a backdrop of 'feelings', 'intuitions' or some sense of what others really mean, despite their words.

How many times do we find ourselves thinking "they didn't mean that" when listening to a speech, or to a friend or colleague talking about something?

That view of what they mean versus what they said, comes from a subconscious processing of body-language, tonal inflection, facial expression and contextual analysis. But, when we have nothing but a string of characters in a text, IM, email or even a letter, we have no richness of information from which to draw such reasoning, and we end up often reading something in a way it was not actually meant.

Reading body-language and other sources of non-verbal communication almost always avoids such misinterpretations, and allows each party to immediately correct them if they do occur, which is why I invariably push for face-to-face meetings, coaching and therapy sessions, interviews and other interactions. Text or IM messaging is useful in the right situation, but cannot replace general in-person communication as we are hardwired to 'read' many types of human communication as we interact with each other.

Videoconferencing such as Facetime, Whatsapp, Skype, Webex, etc., are better than nothing, but are still poor substitutes, as the environmental clues are missing, and nuances of facial expression or the parts of the body not seen, are all missed.

It is always fascinating when I train people in body-language and micro-expression analysis, to see the reaction (again often non-verbal) when my client first 'sees' clues to a different meaning or emotion than the one being said.

A word of warning though, as there is a fine line between including such clues in our decision making process, and over-reliance or overemphasis on them, which can lead to 'seeing what is not there', or misunderstanding the proper application of such clue reading.

In an interview with Tim Roth, who played Dr Cal Lightman in the TV show 'Lie to Me', he talked about seeing how the constant 'watching' for micro-expressions by the show consultant and co-discoverer of the science of micro-expressions, Dr Paul Ekman, can become destructive to personal relationships when it can't be 'switched off' easily. Sometimes we all have very good reasons for keeping things to ourselves, and nobody wants to feel they are constantly being analysed for whether they are being truthful or not, especially by their partner or loved ones.

Believe me when I say it IS very hard to switch it off, and even when you do, it often means avoiding looking at people's faces or postures, which in itself can be interpreted the wrong way by those who then feel you can't look at them. For this very reason I always make a point of heavily highlighting this in my training.

So, should we do it or not?

It is a very useful skill when used for the right purposes, such as interviews, business meetings, therapy sessions and to properly understand what people are 'meaning' rather than just saying, but it has dangers when taken too far, especially in a personal setting and used against friends, family and loved ones.

If you want to learn how to accurately read non-verbal clues and signals, find a suitably qualified trainer, because as always, "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing", and being able to spot signs and signals needs a firm foundation of what they actually can tell you, before you go on to make a determination, or you risk getting it very wrong.

I hope you found this useful, and please use this site or my Facebook or Twitter to send me any questions or comments.

Next week I am back in Singapore for a while and so the post will be later in the day.

]]> Fri, 31 Jul 2020 10:44:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?but-thats-not-what-i-meant http://localhost/blog/rss/000000010 <![CDATA[Your Family Traits]]> imblog
(Listen to the Podcast HERE)

Sometimes a family member can exhibit behaviours you recognise, but do we inherit these? or are we mimicking? or do we subconsciously want to be like them and we 'see' similarities which are not really there?

I can say that almost invariably, at some point in a conversation with my clients around their personality and characteristics, there is a likening to a family member, and it is usually along the lines of "Oh, I am just like my father/mother/grandfather/grandmother (delete where applicable)" (and no they don't often say "delete where applicable").

We all will have said it at one time or other, and oftentimes it is a valid opinion.

BUT. Characteristics and personality are mostly formed from our earliest experiences of those nurturing us (the wider discussion around 'nurture vs nature' and trans-generational trauma is not a blog post but a much longer discussion). My studies into the psychology of criminal behaviour and the interviews of criminals around their thought patterns and processes has brought out no obvious direct causal links, but indicators exist of very likely patterns within the socio-economic experiences of peer pressure and financial struggles in their lives.

For this blog though, I am going to focus on the use of negative familial traits to disassociate ourselves with, or distance ourselves from, the responsibility and accountability for actions or behaviours which are destructive or antisocial. Positive actions or behaviours which we associate with some family member or trait are typically indicating a pride in that member or trait and an underlying pride in ourselves, and is typically seen as a positive psychological alignment, albeit showing a modesty in our own achievements.

There are a few reasons why we would want to distance ourselves from personal responsibility for actions or behaviours and typically for my clients it is part of a process of dealing with fear or self-loathing, often enmeshed in their struggle with some element of psychological challenges they are going through. It is a form of 'excuse' that they can't help being the way they are because it is "in the family".

Whilst as I mentioned, there is an aspect of accuracy in this, especially when it comes to a propensity to commit acts of crime, if you have been brought up in that type of environment, it is often a fear of facing up to not the actions and their consequences, but the changes and effort it will require to make the necessary cognitive re-alignments to alter these behaviours in the future. To change the way we react to events.

I know from personal experience, that when you 'return' from an episode of either the mania or the depression of a bipolar (or manic depressive) incident, there are hugely challenging emotions which arise from simply seeing the pain and fear on the faces of our loved ones who, let's face it, are on the journey with us but who are often equally as powerless to prevent them as we are. Those around us have to watch as we struggle, not knowing if or how to help without making the situation worse. They are often the unsung heroes who ultimately help us to get through things, or are left with lifelong pain and anguish, and even a misplaced sense of guilt, for those who don't make it.

When faced with the reality of these impacts on others, the accountability for this, rather than any responsibility (as it is usually outside our control) can be a trigger into other episodes unless we can disassociate ourselves from it, often by blaming it on a 'family trait', and beyond our ability to have reacted or behaved any differently. We think of ourselves as slaves to the family genetics.

Whilst I became very interested in the research into the genetic associations with psychological characteristics (we already know of the physical genetic carry-through), I have always been passionate about the ability to affect changes in the way we react to events through cognitive re-alignment, having not only done this with my own behaviours, but have had huge success with many of my clients. Breaking down habits and what have become 'natural' reactions, to form new ones, is the mainstay of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Re-Alignment, and has proven to be extremely effective under the right conditions. More seriously disturbed psychologies require additional help from the fields of psychology and psychiatry and carefully planned medication strategies, handled by extremely qualified mental health professionals.

For the majority who don't require such additional help, with the right support and coaching, ideally from someone who has actually experienced their issues first hand, it is absolutely possible to break such neural habits and tendencies and form new ones. Sure it is a hard and sometimes emotionally painful journey, but so worth while, which I know only too well.

Next time you find yourself thinking you are acting 'just like your mother or father', ask yourself if it is because you have done something to be proud of and exhibiting a form of gratitude for the way they brought you up, or because you don't like who you are or what you have done and are looking to pass accountability on to them for 'making you the way you are'? If it is the latter, it might be time to think about engaging a good personally experienced life coach and cognitive therapist to help you make the changes in your reactions and behaviours you need to make.

Next week I will touch on some insights into behaviours that reading non-verbal communication, such as body language and micro-expressions, can bring and what they can't tell you.
]]> Tue, 30 Jun 2020 10:40:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?your-family-traits http://localhost/blog/rss/00000000F <![CDATA[Discover YOU Through Writing]]> imblog Some time ago, I found out that writing a book can be a cathartic, healing experience.

How did I find out? Well, I am often found recounting events that have happened during my 55 years, with either family, friends, colleagues, clients or even strangers (if they want to listen), and more and more many of them would make a similar comment such as "Wow. You should write a book about all this."

I had always said "yes, maybe I will", never really giving it much thought, because I didn't believe I could produce something polished and coherent enough for others to want to read.

A few years back, I was faced with what seemed (and still seems) a corporate consulting market which no longer felt it needed nor wanted my skills and experience of many years and multiple disciplines (for those interested in THAT side of my life, check out my 'work' profile at https://www.laurencenicholson.work) and so had, what is to me a huge challenge, which is time on my hands.

It was my Partner who quite nonchalantly commented one day "why don't you start that autobiography?", and the idea germinated, not into the autobiography, but into a novel charting a psychological analysis of the main character, almost entirely based on my life's experiences and adventures, and how he had become the person he is today. This has now become a trilogy, walking through the evolution of the character, the deconstruction and the rebuilding (hopefully using all the good traits) into the better person.

What I found, as I was writing, was that I was putting down on paper (albeit digitally) my critique of myself, trying to identify and understand the origins of all my traits, 'warts'n'all', and many of the choices and decisions I had made over the years started making more sense, if only in why I made them, not whether they were good ones to make.

I felt like I started exorcising a number of my 'demons', simply through the process of making them real on paper, and whilst I had to face them honestly in order to do so, I found a sense of freedom and calmness seeping into my days, and using the concept of the deconstruction and rebuilding of the 'character' I quite literally brought this to reality in myself, and started my own journey on making a better me.

I never set out to write anything, certainly not fiction (even though for those who read it and have known me a long time, they still say it is an autobiography in all but name), and not for any purpose other than as a self-awareness and understanding process, so even though the first in the series has been published, it is under a nom-de-plume and I never publicize that. What is most important is the effect this process has had on me, and the added dimension of feeling and discovery I can draw on when relating to my clients, as well as friends and family.

I always encourage (or as some 'friends' say "Drone on") everyone to write a journal (see my previous blog on this) for the huge amount of benefits both immediate and long term this brings, but I would also wholeheartedly recommend trying some form of writing, either as a life story or for those more creatively minded, a novel.

Give this a go, if for no other reason than to discover 'yourself' within the process, but be warned: if you are being brutally honest as you should be, it won't all be pleasant, but WILL lead to a better you, especially if you share this experience with someone close to you who can keep things in perspective.

Next week I will be talking about so called 'family traits' and whether there is value in looking for certain of our behaviours in past or present family members, and whether this is a good thing or not with regard to our own personalities and uniqueness.

Stay safe, and 'live life, don't watch life'.
]]> Sun, 31 May 2020 10:37:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?discover-you-through-writing http://localhost/blog/rss/00000000E <![CDATA[Live for today - Change for Tomorrow]]> imblog
"What should we focus on when looking to improve our lives?"

This question comes up from almost everyone I ever coach.

My usual, immediate answer is in the form of a question: In which time do we live?

The reason for my slightly flippant response, becomes clear once I take this conversation further with them, because we only ever live in the present, so our focus can only be in the present.

This is not to say we can't consider the past or try to plan for the future, both of which are very valuable, however it is very easy for us to become so fixated with 'learning from our past mistakes' and/or creating a myriad of 'plans for the future' that we actually forget to live in the moment and savour everything life bring us. Time is one of the few things we can never get back, so I always try to advise and steer my clients away from wasting a moment of it.

Whilst this can seem to some to be potentially irresponsible and leaving our future to chance, it is worth taking a minute to think about when the last time any plan we created was ever actually executed exactly as it was devised. I suspect 'never' will turn out to be the answer. I know it is for me.

Each moment of our lives brings distinct circumstances, choices, conditions and challenges, and it is only at that very moment we have the most information available to make our decisions, even if that is to not make a decision at all. We cannot predict these unique sets of things to consider, yet we constantly try to have 'plan' for everything by attempting to do just that.

At a summary level, having a strategy for dealing with types of situations is valuable as these can be quickly adapted to take into account the circumstances of the moment, but all to often we can take the planning to a level far to detailed to ever be wholly applicable, and have then by default wasted an amount of time in the attempt.

In addition, having predefined plans for exactly what to do can create a psychological environment in which we restrict our thinking to only those plans and lose the creativity we are all capable of on the fly.

Absolutely we should learn from our 'mistakes' but not spend an inordinate amount of time doing so, because the exact situation and environment in which our choices led to what we feel was the 'mistake' rarely ever exists again, and in the meantime we have lost a bit more of our present and our lives get that little bit shorter and we have not appreciated everything those moments brought.

If we live in the present, be mindful of everything our world brings us and be comfortable with having an understanding of our past and some strategies for dealing with types of conditions the future might bring without the n'th degree of detail, our lives may be no longer (although if we include a healthier lifestyle with exercise and good food it might be - see my blog series on 'Exercise and Wellness") but are much more full than they otherwise would have been.

Don't forget that for every second we spend looking backward or forward is not just lost to us, but also to those around us who are denied our full attention.

Making TODAY count will ensure we arrive at TOMORROW having led a fuller life.

Next week I will talk a bit about how writing can bring happiness and understanding into our lives.

Stay well and enjoy each day.
]]> Thu, 30 Apr 2020 10:33:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?live-for-today-change-for-tomorrow http://localhost/blog/rss/00000000D <![CDATA[Exercise Benefits Series Article 5 - Motivation and Effort]]> imblog
Before I start on this week's final installment on Exercise and Well-being, I want to give a quick response to a question I received asking "how much exercise is enough and why do I feel a failure or lazy when I don't feel like exercising?"

I have covered part of this with parts 2,3 and 4 of this series, so I wanted to deal with the feeling of failure or laziness when you don't feel like exercising.

What we must understand is that our bodies are incredible creations and have a naturally inbuilt mechanism driving a propensity to preserve energy at all times, harking back to times when we needed energy stores for avoiding dangers of predators, both animal and other man. This inherent energy preservation mechanism is felt all the more acutely when we do not have a consistent, regular routine of nutrition and exercise, as our bodies effectively 'do not know' when the next meal (energy source) is coming and reacts by prioritising the storage of energy in the form of fat and using sugars (glycogen) stored in muscle first which leads to a loss of fast access energy, making us more lethargic.

This creates two problems for us. Firstly we can feel unmotivated to do exercise unless reacting to imminent danger, and in modern day terms we tend to 'translate' this into being too tired or lazy to exercise, and this can often create a feeling of failure. Secondly, because our incredible bodies need this 'certainty' to nudge it out of preservation mode, it can often take a fair while to see the type of results we are looking for, and this causes a large degree of demotivation and is typically why so many give up before the results start to show.

It is therefor important to recognize these issues and be ready for them, acknowledging we will feel lethargic and not want to exercise, as part of our natural physical functioning, but knowing that this is not lazy or failing. Also that even though we don't immediately see results, keeping at it in a consistent manner will allow our bodies to get 'comfortable' enough to release fat stores as the primary energy source, because our meals and exercise are now known and part of a regular schedule. Making it fun, as discussed below, will help to avoid these pitfalls.

The main blog for this week below will now touch on this a little but focus mostly on motivation and how to make exercise part of our everyday, bringing all the benefits to us, so read on and enjoy!

Now that we have covered why exercise is good for your body and for dealing with depression, anxiety, stress, and more, I will talk a little about how much to do, how to stay motivated and how any place can be an exercise location for us.

We are all motivated by different things, and so it is important to work out what it is that works for us individually and align our exercise choices around that, otherwise we have less chance of keeping it up because it will become a chore and not a pleasure.

For me, I have always been motivated by the muscle soreness experienced after heavy resistance training (and yes, before anyone asks, I have had many conversations with my own therapists and coaches about what they jokingly called my 'pain addiction') and find I miss the feeling of having done a heavy workout, if I have too long a break.

My partner on the other hand is motivated by the 'fun' aspect and needs exercise which is made up of lots of short different movements which are executed in a fun environment, so the dynamic nature of the 'bounce' classes (see Part 1 on exercise and stress) tap into that element and now find her missing her classes when we travel.

Many trainers try to use the longer term benefits of visible body change and weight loss (or muscle gain for bodybuilders) to motivate their clients, and end up either losing them or working way too hard to keep them motivated, simply because they have not tapped into the individual personality of each client. It is easy for us to excuse ourselves missing exercise sessions when we look only at the long term trends instead of the short term goals, and thereby we can often miss a fundamental key to success of consistency.

Our bodies are incredibly complex self-preservation machines which will always look to minimise effort and energy expenditure in every situation, and only when we have a regular consistent routine, will our bodies adapt to the effects of it. Ever wondered why constantly skipping the odd meal here and there rarely results in weight loss? Simply because the body needs to 'know' when the next meal (energy source) is coming, otherwise it stores everything it can as a precaution against starvation.

Psychologically, our bodies will not adapt to build muscle or build stamina unless is 'knows' it needs to because of a regular overload of resistance or energy expenditure coming its way.

So, once motivated, how much to do and where can we do it?

A mentioned before, it’s probably not as much as you think, because even a little bit of regular consistent exercise provides benefits.

We can even start with short sessions of 5 to 10 minutes and slowly increase your time, so long as it satisfies our own motivational criteria and it is consistent. As exercising becomes habit, you can slowly add extra minutes or try different types of activities.

One question I hear a lot is "I have a really busy work week, so how can I find the time?"

Not really a surprising question these days, so try being a weekend exerciser. A recent study in the United Kingdom found that people who squeeze their exercise routines into one or two sessions during the weekend experience almost as many health benefits as those who work out more often. So don’t let a busy schedule at work, home, or school be an barrier to your success.

Even when experiencing psychological challenges such as depression or anxiety (see part 2 on this subject), there are ways to get started and discover the benefits which will go on to form a positive habit of exercising in our lives. We know exercise will make us feel better, but often feel we lack the energy and motivation needed to work out, or worry about the thought of being seen at an exercise class or running through the park. These are almost always irrational fears or motivational barriers we place on ourselves, and rarely a reality.

I remember as a skinny (having gone from overweight pre-pubescent to skinny adolescent) young teenager worrying hugely about going into a gym, especially as in those days there were few to no 'health clubs', and it took a friend to drag me along and give me courage to enter into what was a 'hardcore lifting' gym. I never looked back. All the fears were unfounded and I found myself welcomed into a community of people who had ALL started in a similar place and personally understood what I was feeling (see my post on 'No substitute for life experience').

It is said that every journey begins with a first step, and just as the decision to engage a life coach is a fantastic first step, so too can that first class or gym session or run or whatever we choose to try, but it is only by doing this and learning enough about ourselves to understand what OUR motivators are and aligning our choice of exercise with them, that the real transformational journey will begin. Don't expect to choose the right type of exercise the first time. Try a few. I was lucky and found my passion almost immediately but I had a strong understanding of my motivators, but my partner tried gym, cardio, kettlebells and weights and finally found her 'bounce' classes which she loves.

Remember also, it is not necessary to find a class or pay high gym fees, to get benefits from exercise. Here are a few ideas to get started:

  • In and around your home. Clean the house, wash the car, work on the garden, mow the lawn with a push mower, sweep the path or patio with a broom.
  • At work and on the go. Bike or walk to an appointment rather than drive, try to use every staircase possible even if it means starting by getting off the lift a floor or two before yours and walk the rest, briskly walk to the bus stop then get off one stop early, park further from a shop or your place of work and walk the rest, take a vigorous walk during your coffee or lunch break.
  • With the family. Jog around the playing field during your children's practice, ride a bicycle as part of your weekend routine, play active games with your children in the garden or park, explore new places when you walk the dog.
  • Just for fun. Go fruit picking, dance to music, go to the beach or take a hike, gently stretch while watching television, take a class in something active like dance, or yoga.

Get moving whenever you can find the time. Your mind and body will thank and reward you!
]]> Tue, 31 Mar 2020 10:27:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?exercise-benefits-series-article-5 http://localhost/blog/rss/00000000C <![CDATA[Exercise Benefits Series Article 4 - Overcoming Obstacles]]> imblog
Overcoming mental health obstacles to exercise

Welcome to the penultimate part of this series on exercise and well-being, where I will focus on some specific obstacles or challenges when suffering from some mental health issues.

So far I have explained how exercise will help you feel much better and that it doesn’t take as much effort as you might have thought. But taking that first step is still easier said than done. Exercise obstacles are very real—especially when you’re also struggling with mental health. There are various typical barriers and I try to offer some suggestion as to how to push through (or around) them.

  • Feeling exhausted. When you’re tired or stressed, it feels like working out will just make it worse. But the truth is that physical activity is a powerful energizer. Studies show that regular exercise can dramatically reduce fatigue and increase your energy levels. If you are really feeling tired, promise yourself a 5-minute walk. Chances are, you’ll be able to go five more minutes.
  • Feeling overwhelmed. When you’re stressed or depressed, the thought of adding another obligation can seem overwhelming. Working out just doesn’t seem doable. If you have children, managing childcare while you exercise can be a big hurdle. Just remember that physical activity helps us do everything else better. If you begin thinking of physical activity as a priority, you will soon find ways to fit small amounts into a busy schedule.
  • Feeling hopeless. Even if you’re starting at “ground zero,” you can still workout. Exercise helps you get in shape. If you have no experience exercising, start slow with low-impact movement a few minutes each day.
  • Feeling bad about yourself. Are you your own worst critic? It’s time to try a new way of thinking about your body. No matter your weight, age or fitness level, there are others like you with the same goal of getting fit. Try surrounding yourself with people in your shoes. Take a class with people at a variety of fitness levels. Accomplishing even the smallest fitness goals will help you gain body confidence.
  • Feeling pain. If you have a disability, severe weight problem, arthritis, or any injury or illness that limits your mobility, talk to your healthcare provider about ways to safely exercise. You shouldn’t ignore pain, but rather do what you can, when you can. Divide your exercise into shorter, more frequent chunks of time if that helps, or try exercising in water to reduce joint or muscle discomfort.

For a more detailed look at your own situation and challenges, feel free to contact me to discuss the benefits coaching will give you individually and to arrange an appointment to begin your journey.

It’s okay to start small. In fact, it’s smart.

When you’re under the cloud of an emotional disorder and haven’t exercised for a long time, setting extravagant goals like completing a marathon or working out for an hour every morning will only leave you more despondent if you fall short. Better to set achievable goals and build up from there.

Schedule your workout at the time of day when your energy is highest

That may be first thing in the morning before work or school,  at lunchtime before the mid-afternoon lull hits, or for longer sessions over the weekend. If depression or anxiety has you feeling tired and unmotivated all day long, try dancing to some music or simply going for a walk. Even a short, 15-minute walk can help clear your mind, improve your mood, and boost your energy level. As you move and start to feel a little better, you’ll experience a greater sense of control over your well-being. You may even feel energized enough to exercise more vigorously—by walking further, breaking into a run, or adding a bike ride, for example.

Other tips for staying motivated when you’re also struggling with mental health include:

  • Focus on activities you enjoy. Any activity that gets you moving counts. That could include throwing a Frisbee with a dog or friend, walking laps of a mall window shopping, or cycling to the grocery store. If you’ve never exercised before or don’t know what you might enjoy, try a few different things. Activities such as gardening or tackling a home improvement project can be great ways to start moving more when you have a mood disorder—as well as helping you become more active, they can also leave you with a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
  • Be comfortable. Whatever time of day you decide to exercise, wear clothing that’s comfortable and choose a setting that you find calming or energizing. That may be a quiet corner of your home, a scenic path, or your favorite city park.
  • Reward yourself. Part of the reward of completing an activity is how much better you’ll feel afterwards, but it always helps your motivation to promise yourself an extra treat for exercising. Reward yourself with a hot bubble bath after a workout, a delicious smoothie, or with an extra episode of your favorite TV show.
  • Make exercise a social activity. Exercising with a friend or loved one, or even your kids, will not only make exercising more fun and enjoyable, it can also help motivate you to stick to a workout routine. You’ll also feel better than if you were exercising alone. In fact, when you’re suffering from a mood disorder such as depression, the companionship can be just as important as the exercise.


]]> Sat, 29 Feb 2020 11:21:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?exercise-benefits-series-article-4 http://localhost/blog/rss/00000000B <![CDATA[Exercise Benefits Series Article 3 ADHD, PTSD and Trauma]]> imblog
What are the mental health benefits of exercise?

Continuing this series of blogs, I will talk about how exercise can help with ADHD, PTSD and Trauma today. (See part 1 on stress and part 2 on depression and anxiety if you missed them), and if you are thinking you don't have the time or motivation, I talk a bit about that in a post coming soon, so keep an eye on this blog.

Exercise and ADHD
Exercising regularly is one of the easiest and most effective ways to reduce the symptoms of ADHD and improve concentration, motivation, memory, and mood. Physical activity immediately boosts the brain’s levels of dopamine, nor-epinephrine, and serotonin—all of which affect focus and attention. In this way, exercise works in much the same way as many ADHD medications.

Exercise and PTSD and trauma
Evidence suggests that by really mindfully focusing on your body and how it feels as you exercise, you can actually help your nervous system 'unfreeze' itself and move out of the immobilization type stress responses that characterize PTSD or trauma. Instead of allowing your mind to wander, pay close attention to the physical sensations in your joints and muscles as you exercise, creating the mind-muscle links which strengthen our mindful focus. Exercises that involve cross movement and that engage both arms and legs—such as walking, running, swimming, weight training, or dancing—are some of your best choices.

Outdoor activities like hiking, sailing, mountain biking, rock climbing and skiing (downhill and cross-country) have also been shown to reduce the symptoms of PTSD.

So how much do I need to do?

In the same way depression and anxiety health can present some challenges within our own minds in terms of not being able to get motivated, which I covered in my last post, similarly other challenges to our mental health such as ADHD, PTSD and other Trauma can interfere with motivation and consistency in exercising however as before, in general the amount of time required to provide the much needed boost is probably not as much as you think, and I cover this again below.

You don’t need to devote hours to training at the gym, taking endless cardio sessions or running daily marathons. You can reap all the physical and mental health benefits of exercise with 30-minutes of moderate exercise five times a week, and even better, they can be broken into smaller chunks.

If that still seems intimidating, don’t worry. Even just a few minutes of physical activity are better than none at all. If you feel you don’t have time for 15 or 30 minutes of exercise, or if your body tells you to take a break after 5 or 10 minutes, for example, that’s okay, too.

Start with small sized chunks of exercise of 5 or 10 minutes and slowly increase your time when you feel you are ready, or as part of a goal you might set with your Life Coach. The way our bodies adapt and benefit from exercise means the more you exercise, the more energy you’ll have, so eventually you’ll feel ready for a little more.

The key is to commit, through Life Coaching goals, to some moderate physical activity—however little—on most days, and as you build a new neural pathway representing exercise and it becomes a (good) habit, you can slowly add extra minutes or try different types of activities, but this is not a part time of fad you take up for a short period of time. You have to keep at it for the benefits of exercise to begin to pay off.

If you are wondering what exactly 'Moderate' means when it comes to exercise, it has been shown in recent research that for the majority of us, it means:

  • That you breathe a little heavier than normal, but are not out of breath. For example, you should be able to chat with your walking partner, but not easily sing a song.
  • That your body feels warmer as you move, but not overheated or very sweaty.

Why not give it a go and see how quickly you feel the benefits? Talk with your Life Coach or Personal Trainer if you have one, who will also add extra motivation for you to succeed, or simply look up the huge amount of information available online to determine a routine for yourself. Be aware that not everything you read will be ideal for you as an individual though, so where possible, try and find a good (see my previous post on Life Coaches) Coach to help you, or if you ARE going to head to a gym, exercise class or health club, ask the coaches there for advice.

Remember to take is slow and build up. No-one likes those nagging injuries that come from overdoing something or not preparing properly.

Check back in next week for more on exercise and well-being.
]]> Fri, 31 Jan 2020 11:15:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?exercise-benefits-series-article-3 http://localhost/blog/rss/00000000A <![CDATA[Exercise Benefits Series Article 2 Depression and Anxiety]]> imblog
What are the mental health benefits of exercise?

Continuing this series of blogs, I will talk about how exercise can help with depression and anxiety today. (See part 1 on stress if you missed it), and if you are thinking you don't have the time or motivation, I talk a bit about that in a post coming soon, so keep an eye on this blog.

Exercise and depression
There have been many studies, including a recent study done by the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, which have shown that exercise can treat mild to moderate depression as effectively as antidepressant medication. The mentioned study actually found that running for 15 minutes a day or fast walking for 30 to 60 minutes reduces the risk of experiencing or relapsing into major depression by 26%.

Because exercise promotes all kinds of changes in the brain, including neural growth, reduced inflammation, and new activity patterns that promote feelings of calm and well-being, is a powerful depression fighter. It also releases those 'happiness chemicals' I previously mentioned, 'endorphins', in your brain that lift your spirits and make you feel good.

Another aspect of tackling depression involves avoiding cycles of negative thinking and distracting the focus away from those thought patterns which contribute to depressive symptoms, and it is well known that exercise can provide such a distraction, allowing you to find some quiet time to break out of the cycle and it also supports the cognitive re-alignment process of changing reactive behaviours to certain events or situations.

Exercise and anxiety
Exercise is also understood to be a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment. It relieves tension and stress, boosts physical and mental energy, and enhances well-being through the release of those good old endorphins, again. Whilst anything that encourages us to undertake activities which release these chemicals is good, we get a bigger benefit if we pay attention and exercise in a mindful way instead of going through the motions.

Try to notice the all the feelings you experience, such as your feet hitting the ground if running, or the rhythm of your heart and your breathing. By adding this mindfulness element—really focusing on your body and how it feels as you exercise—you’ll not only improve your physical condition faster, but you may also be able to interrupt the flow of constant worries running through your head.

So how much do I need to do?

Depression and anxiety can present some challenges within our own minds in terms of not being able to get motivated, and whilst I will cover this in a bit more depth in another post, in general the amount of time required to provide the much needed boost is probably not as much as you think.

You don’t need to devote hours to training at the gym, taking endless cardio sessions or running daily marathons. You can reap all the physical and mental health benefits of exercise with 30-minutes of moderate exercise five times a week, and even better, they can be broken into smaller chunks.

If that still seems intimidating, don’t worry. Even just a few minutes of physical activity are better than none at all. If you feel you don’t have time for 15 or 30 minutes of exercise, or if your body tells you to take a break after 5 or 10 minutes, for example, that’s okay, too.

Start with small sized chunks of exercise of 5 or 10 minutes and slowly increase your time when you feel you are ready, or as part of a goal you might set with your Life Coach. The way our bodies adapt and benefit from exercise means the more you exercise, the more energy you’ll have, so eventually you’ll feel ready for a little more.

The key is to commit, through Life Coaching goals, to some moderate physical activity—however little—on most days, and as you build a new neural pathway representing exercise and it becomes a (good) habit, you can slowly add extra minutes or try different types of activities, but this is not a part time of fad you take up for a short period of time. You have to keep at it for the benefits of exercise to begin to pay off.

If you are wondering what exactly 'Moderate' means when it comes to exercise, it has been shown in recent research that for the majority of us, it means:

  • That you breathe a little heavier than normal, but are not out of breath. For example, you should be able to chat with your walking partner, but not easily sing a song.
  • That your body feels warmer as you move, but not overheated or very sweaty.

Why not give it a go and see how quickly you feel the benefits? Talk with your Life Coach or Personal Trainer if you have one, who will also add extra motivation for you to succeed, or simply look up the huge amount of information available online to determine a routine for yourself. Be aware that not everything you read will be ideal for you as an individual though, so where possible, try and find a good (see my previous post on Life Coaches) Coach to help you, or if you ARE going to head to a gym, exercise class or health club, ask the coaches there for advice.

Remember to take is slow and build up. No-one likes those nagging injuries that come from overdoing something or not preparing properly.

Check back in next week for more on exercise and well-being.
]]> Tue, 31 Dec 2019 11:07:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?exercise-benefits-series-article-2 http://localhost/blog/rss/000000009 <![CDATA[Exercise Benefits Series 1 Stress]]> imblog
It is well known that exercise can improve your physical health, trim your body, improve your sex life, and even add years to your life. Any or all of these benefits are offered as the reasons most people give for starting to exercise, but it is rarely what motivates most people to stay active.

It has been found that those who exercise regularly tend to do so because of a great sense of well-being felt from doing so. They feel more energetic throughout the day, sleep better at night, have sharper memories, and feel more relaxed and positive about themselves and their lives. On top of this, it can also be powerful medicine for many common mental health challenges.

According to Lawrence Robinson, Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., and Melinda Smith, M.A, "regular exercise can have a profoundly positive impact on depression, anxiety, ADHD, and more. It also relieves stress, improves memory, helps you sleep better, and boosts your overall mood. And you don’t have to be a fitness fanatic to reap the benefits. Research indicates that modest amounts of exercise can make a difference. No matter your age or fitness level, you can learn to use exercise as a powerful tool to feel better."

Over a series of blogs, I will talk about how exercise can help with stress, depression, anxiety, ADHD and other types of trauma, as wells as how to overcome difficulties (self imposed or genuine) in finding time and motivation to exercise, but I will start with 'stress'.

Exercise and stress
There are noticeable symptoms felt within yourself when you are under stress, specifically including tension in the muscles in your face, neck, and shoulders, which often leaves you with back or neck pain, or painful headaches.
You can even feel a tightness in your chest, often creating increased stress and anxiety from worrying, a pounding pulse, or muscle cramps. You may also experience problems such as insomnia, heartburn, stomach ache, diarrhea, or frequently needing to 'wee'. It goes without saying (but I will say it anyway) that with some of these, especially chest tightness, you should seek medical advice not just about the likely cause, but also for advice on the type of exercise it is best to undertake.

As mentioned with chest tightness, the worry and discomfort of all these physical symptoms can in turn lead to even more stress, creating a vicious cycle between your mind and body.

Many studies have proven exercising is an effective way to break this cycle.

As well as releasing 'pleasure' chemicals called 'endorphins' in the brain, physical activity helps to relax the muscles and relieve tension in the body. Since the body and mind are so closely linked, when your body feels better so, too, will your mind.

Assuming you have the all clear to exercise, if you have existing medical conditions, there are a whole range of options available to you and I to access these benefits.

For many, simply walking for 30 minutes a day provides a huge improvement in your health and well-being, whereas for others who like more energetic activities, a great low-impact (meaning less joint stress) exercise is a form of cardio performed on small personal trampolines, called 'Bounce'. One local to me in the St John's Wood/Maida Vale/Queen's Park area has people of all ages, shapes, sizes, cultures and sexes, having great fun whilst exercising and feeling great for doing so.

As an ex-competitive bodybuilder, long term martial artist and having previously provided personal training for a number of clients, I personally prefer strength and hypertrophic (muscle building) exercise, which have benefits in bone strength, thickness and structure especially for older trainers, so have personally developed workouts capable of being done at home or at a gym, that I use myself every week, but if there is one key element of the type of exercise you choose which will make it a regular part of your life it is that is needs to be fun for you!

Whilst you think this over, or better still just go and try something that sounds fun, here are a few additional mental and emotional plus's to exercising:

  • Sharper memory and thinking. The same endorphins that make you feel better also help you concentrate and feel mentally sharp for tasks at hand. Exercise also stimulates the growth of new brain cells and helps prevent age-related decline.
  • Higher self-esteem. Regular activity is an investment in your mind, body, and soul. When it becomes habit, it can foster your sense of self-worth and make you feel strong and powerful. You’ll feel better about your appearance and, by meeting even small exercise goals, you’ll feel a sense of achievement.
  • Better sleep. Even short bursts of exercise in the morning or afternoon can help regulate your sleep patterns. If you prefer to exercise at night, relaxing exercises such as yoga or gentle stretching can help promote sleep.
  • More energy. Increasing your heart rate several times a week will give you more get-up-and-go. Start off with just a few minutes of exercise per day, and increase your workout as you feel more energized.
  • Stronger resilience. When faced with mental or emotional challenges in life, exercise can help you cope in a healthy way, instead of resorting to alcohol, drugs, or other negative behaviors that ultimately only make your symptoms worse. Regular exercise can also help boost your immune system and reduce the impact of stress.

Take a look in your area for the different types of exercise available, not all of which are in intimidating environments, or even look into engaging a personal trainer to help you (I will talk about what to look for in choosing a good one, in another post soon). You will not regret adding exercise to your life!

Stay safe, healthy and relaxed!

]]> Sat, 30 Nov 2019 10:57:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?exercise-benefits-series-1-stress http://localhost/blog/rss/000000008 <![CDATA[Keeping a Journal]]> imblog
(Listen to the Podcast HERE)



]]> Thu, 31 Oct 2019 10:51:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?keeping-a-journal http://localhost/blog/rss/000000007 <![CDATA[Benefits of Talking]]> imblog
(Listen to the Podcast HERE)


]]> Mon, 30 Sep 2019 09:43:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?benefits-of-talking http://localhost/blog/rss/000000006 <![CDATA[Real Life Experience]]> imblog
(Listen to the PodCast HERE)


]]> Fri, 09 Aug 2019 09:25:00 GMT http://localhost/blog/?real-life-experience http://localhost/blog/rss/000000004